Previous English captain Lewis Moody has disclosed he has been identified with motor neurone disease and acknowledged he cannot yet deal with the full ramifications of the muscle-degenerating condition that ended the lives of fellow rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The 47-year-old, who was a member of the World Cup champion 2003 side and won several English and European titles with Leicester, appeared on BBC Breakfast 14 days after discovering he has the disease.
"There's something about facing the future and being reluctant to completely absorb that at the moment," he said.
"This doesn't mean I don't understand where it's going. We understand that. But there is certainly a hesitation to face what's ahead for now."
Moody, conversing alongside his wife Annie, says instead he feels "at ease" as he concentrates on his immediate health, his family and planning ahead for when the condition worsens.
"Perhaps that's surprise or possibly I deal with matters in another way, and after I have the facts, it's simpler," he added.
Initial Indications
Moody discovered he had MND after observing some reduced power in his upper arm while exercising in the gym.
After rehabilitation didn't help the problem, a number of scans indicated neural pathways in his central nervous system had been compromised by MND.
"You're given this condition identification of MND and we're appropriately quite moved about it, but it's so strange because I think I'm perfectly healthy," he remarked.
"I don't feel unwell. I don't experience unwell
"The signs I have are quite slight. I have a small amount of muscle wasting in the fingers and the shoulder.
"I remain capable of performing whatever I want. And hopefully that will continue for as long as is feasible."
Illness Advancement
MND can develop swiftly.
According to the organization MND Association, the disease kills a 33% of people within a year and more than half within two years of identification, as swallowing and breathing become more difficult.
Treatment can only delay decline.
"It's not me that I feel sad for," stated an affected Moody.
"It's about the sorrow around having to tell my mum - as an only child - and the implications that has for her."
Household Effect
Conversing from the residence with his wife and their pet dog by his side, Moody was consumed with sentiment when he discussed informing his sons - teenage Dylan and 15-year-old Ethan - the devastating news, stating: "That represented the toughest thing I've ever had to do."
"These are two wonderful boys and that was quite devastating," Moody stated.
"We sat on the couch in weeping, Ethan and Dylan both embraced in each other, then the dog jumped over and began removing the moisture off our faces, which was quite amusing."
Moody explained the focus was remaining in the present.
"There exists no solution and that is why you have to be very strongly focused on just welcoming and enjoying each moment now," he said.
"According to Annie, we've been very lucky that the sole determination I made when I concluded playing was to allocate as much period with the kids as possible. We can't reclaim those times back."
Player Connection
Elite athletes are unevenly affected by MND, with investigations suggesting the prevalence of the illness is up to sixfold higher than in the general population.
It is considered that by limiting the O2 obtainable and creating damage to motor neurone cells, frequent, vigorous exercise can activate the disease in those previously genetically susceptible.
Rugby Professional Life
Moody, who earned 71 England caps and traveled with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was nicknamed 'Mad Dog' during his professional days, in honour of his fearless, unwavering style to the game.
He played through a bone injury of his leg for a period with Leicester and once sparked a workout scuffle with fellow player and friend Martin Johnson when, annoyed, he abandoned a training equipment and began participating in tackles.
After entering as a substitute in the Rugby World Cup decisive match win over Australia in 2003, he secured a ball at the back of the set piece in the decisive phase of play, establishing a platform for playmaker Matt Dawson to snipe and Jonny Wilkinson to score the victory-securing drop-goal.
Backing Community
Moody has earlier notified Johnson, who captained England to that victory, and a handful of other ex- players about his diagnosis, but the others will be finding out his news with the remainder of public.
"There will be a time when we'll need to depend on their assistance but, at the minute, just having that type of love and acceptance that people are present is what's important," he said.
"This game is such a excellent community.
"I mentioned to the kids the other day, I've had an extraordinary life.
"Even if it ended now, I've enjoyed all of it and accepted all of it and got to do it with exceptional people.
"Being able to label your passion your career, it's one of the most important honors.
"Achieving this for so long a duration with the squads that I did it with was a delight. And I know they will desire to assist in every way they can and I await having those talks."
